A couple of weeks ago I listened to an interview which Krista Tippett conducted with author Sylvia Boorstein. It was such a refreshing conversation about parenting entitled ‘What Sustains’. This wise grandmother, mother, psychotherapist and meditation teacher who describes herself as a Jewish-Buddhist poured out wise and comforting words about the joys and difficulty of being a parent, of tying your life to another’s in a life-long commitment. It was a joy to listen to and I passed it on to several I know who are parents of young children, trying to juggle family, home and career. Her advice seemed to be…..breathe!

At one point of the conversation, Boorstein made the statement: ‘Indignation is so seductive.’ As I recall she was speaking of the many ways we dig in our heels about particular ways of doing things or in response to the ways in which others may choose to do the same thing. In hearing her, I quickly got out a piece of paper and wrote down those words. Indignation is so seductive. I have come back several times to these words, allowing them to roll around in my mouth, my mind, my heart.

On a personal level, I am given to indignation. Are you? For the record, indignation means ‘anger aroused by something unjust, mean, or unworthy.’ I can find myself full of indignation at many things….being cut off in traffic…..being ignored as I say something in a meeting…..being overlooked for something I think I have contributed……being invisible because of my gender or age or (fill in the blank)….because of my political leanings or my faith tradition. This is nothing I am proud of. I can eat the food of indignation for breakfast, lunch and dinner somedays and then wonder why I feel so miserable.

As I have thought about the seduction that indignation offers, I have recognized that when you begin to peel back the layers of its allure, you find control, self-righteousness and often a lack of self esteem lurking between the petals. Of course, this is not always true. There are many situations in our world that are truly unjust, oppressive and mean and they deserve our anger. But the indignation that I can feast on most days is more about me than about others.

What fills you with indignation these days? Is there anger bubbling up that might serve up a better world? Or is the anger you feast upon only making for a less happy, less compassionate you? The Zen Buddhist teacher Tich Nhat Hahn offers this wisdom:“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will
grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change”.

So, the next time I feel myself being seduced by my own self-righteous anger, perhaps I will think of lettuce……and make myself a salad instead of the gut-wrenching food of indignation.