“My dissipating thoughts of life in terms of victory or defeat came along willy-nilly from a culture that pretended that life was far more solid than it actually was. The edges were actually blurred and moved along in the infinitely variable shape of a river.”
~Jim Harrison, The English Major

Last night I finished this interesting novel which included these two sentences. Sentences that captured my imagination and sent me back through the pages to find them this morning. The novel is the story of a sixty year old man who is confronted with several life situations that throw him for a loop and send him on a cross country tour of self discovery. It is a ‘coming of age’ story for an older generation. At one point in the story, after attempting to climb a mountain without the correct footwear, minus enough water and provisions, still filled with lots of anger and angst about his life, he makes this realization. The script he had held up to this point seemed to be about some projected sense of victory in life that was clear cut, logical, fair and deserved despite the odds. It became a turning point of embracing the ambiguities of his life and seeing its living as more a twisting, turning river than a well developed system of highways.

In some ways, the story made me laugh. How does one get to be sixty years old and not discover such wisdom? But then I realized how deeply ingrained this notion of victory and defeat is in our culture, how deeply present is the believe that things are more solid than they are. I think of the immense number of dollars spent on all kinds of competitions that have clear cut winners and equally clear cut losers. We enroll our children in just such situations at a very early age and they soon learn the drill of victory and defeat. In the same way, we ensure them that they can be anything they want to be if they work hard enough. And while this kind of privilege is more possible perhaps in this nation than in many others, we know that it is not completely true and sets many up for a lifetime of frustration, anger, depression and pain. This life is not as solid as the picture we want to paint of it.

I fear we have even done a similar thing in our faith communities. We have, mirroring our culture, created language and stories and doctrines that give the illusion that this life’s journey lived in faith can be followed without much messiness, can be carried out without much pain or suffering if we only follow the rules or hang around with those who think, believe, speak the way we do. Of course, those of us in the Christian household have as our example one who did everything but follow the rules, never hung around with the ‘right’ people and in all practical understanding would have been thought of as suffering defeat. The river of Jesus’ life was full of currents and snags that could be wisdom for us.

Where is the river of your life taking you lately? Has it been a nice, easy, lazy river ride or have you found yourself in rough waters with blurred edges, unable to see what is around the bend? Do there seem to be more rapids than usual, more opportunities to dump onto jagged stones? Or are you moving along taking in the burgeoning spring trees placed in your view for your delight? Whatever the water ride, may we find moments of gratitude and mercy.

This metaphor of river for our life is a powerful one. I have found it helpful so many times. It has been an image that has calmed and inspired people throughout time to hold their own lives lightly, gently knowing that a river is an ever-moving, always evolving body of great power. Much like your life, much like mine.