“I settle into your stillness
searching
seeking
trusting your joy.

You wrestle with me
question me
take me seriously
I bless the honesty of your love.”
~Ruth Burgess

The last several days have been odd ones. In addition to contracting the terrible hacking and phlegm producing illness that is traveling from person to person, I have found that the irregularity of a consistent schedule as we moved into the new year has got me discombobulated. I have this sense of moving from one action to another without ever accomplishing any of them. In addition to all the already present disorder, I got a new computer and am now being presented with all kinds of learning and problem solving that, under normal circumstances, would not be so bad. But given the short circuits that have made up my daily life, it all seems like a big mess!

Instead of trying to take control of all this, which is my normal way of doing things, I have made the choice to simply be present to the lack of order, to the chaos. It has not been easy. However, I feel I am in the process of learning some good lessons. While staying present in the moment, I am trusting that things will work themselves out in the end. It could be delusional but I don’t think so. In fact, I think this is the place where real creativity shows up. It is where the Spirit enters to remind us of the inner power with which we are all blessed.

Yesterday I was in a meeting in which we began to speak about ‘chaos theory.’ Now I don’t claim to be able to quote much factual information about this mathematical theory that is used to describe how order comes out of chaos in what often seems like random ways. But I was struck with the idea that as a people of faith, we have been birthed and nurtured in the stories of chaos theory. Our beginning story told in the Book of Genesis, sets the tone for how with a chosen and powerful Breath, night and day, darkness and light rolled out of what appeared to be chaos. Over and over again in the scriptures, the people who longed for the Holy walked into situations of wilderness, hoping beyond hope, that order would emerge from the seemingly random experiences of walking down unfamiliar roads. Rivers where crossed. Mountains were climbed. Lives were changed. These experiences of chaos were and are the foundations of the Hebrew and Christian households.

Like our ancestors, we can be reminded that the real learnings of the chaotic moments in our lives most often come when we can “settle into stillness” and allow ourselves to be “wrapped around in wonder and grace.” In these moments we come to know that we do not travel any of this journey alone. Through order and chaos we are taken seriously by a Love that will not let us go. For better or worse.

May we each walk with trust and hope this day through whatever comes our way, blessed by the creative Spirit within.

“God beyond borders,
may I wander
with wanting enough
to unlearn my path,
with wonder enough
to receive the secrets of each place,
with wisdom enough
to allow them to whisper me
home a different way.”
~ Jan L. Richardson

And so we have walked into a new year. Its gifts and challenges are yet to be discovered. What we learned in the last year may be helpful. Or not. All we can be sure of is that the page has turned, the new calendars are in place, we are once again in single digits, at the beginning of something. We must now remember to write 2012 and not its predecessor on all the documents that require such a date. Like everything new, it will take time and practice to get it right. Whatever that means.

This morning I sat, over coffee, with two dear friends. I don’t remember who asked the question but it went something like, “So, how are you doing?” It was asked not in the casual, passing the time, politeness way we so often ask such a question but in the deep way old friends can. In other words, the question demanded the truth.

So each of us began spinning out our own truth about the questions, fears, hopes and challenges of what this year might hold. Honesty prevailed which was satisfying especially since there seems to be so few times when real honesty is offered. Too many times we want to say what we believe others want to hear or what will make us appear really ‘together’ and in control. Other times it is easy to retreat to the place of protecting feelings, those of others and our own, so too much emotion doesn’t escape its intricately created shell. In the end, I believe, the three of us felt better for having said what needed to said, for having shared in a way that matters.

In many ways it is easy to forget that Christmas just happened a week ago. Most of us have nearly completed the clean sweep of our homes to put all evidence of the celebration away. Ornaments are tucked back into boxes. Lights have gone dark. The tree, if it had been alive once, is at the curb ready to be carried off for compost. While our living spaces may seem roomier and certainly tidier, we shouldn’t forget that we still have to celebrate Epiphany in this first week of January.

The celebration of Epiphany is meant to remind us of the three magi who visited the Christ Child, those desert riding, astrologers who had traveled a long distance in search of a deep wanting. It is meant to remind us that being awake to the movement of the Holy in the world is not just a one time or even once a year experience. It is a challenge and opportunity offered every day for the transformation of our lives and the healing of the world. To celebrate Epiphany we have to be ready, like the wise ones from the East, to pay attention to the brilliant and dim lights that beckon us. We have to be willing to ‘unlearn’ our path and trust a deeper truth we hear echoing within us from some long forgotten voice of wisdom. We have to open ourselves to not only a new year but a new way of being in the world. A way that may lead us home by a different way.

What paths have you traveled this year that need to be continued? Which ones no longer serve you? What deep wanting within is waiting to be satisfied and nurtured? What truths do you need to tell? What paths are begging to be unlearned so you can find your way?

The good news is that to find our way into 2012 no camel riding is involved for most of us. There is just the simple, faithful act of awakening to the Light that has been beckoning each of us for a lifetime. A Light that guides and draws us ever toward home.